On therapy.

It seems like the only time I can think to write a blog is when I should be sleeping. That's when the thoughts are all over the place.

Two thoughts occurred to me about therapy.

The first being that anyone who hasn't gone should seriously consider going, and additionally should follow through with that consideration. Many people have an aversion to therapy, and I think I have figured out what one of those reasons might be (more on that in a bit).

Secondly, going to therapy is like paying someone (with cash or insurance) to listen to your problems, offer you unbiased advice, and not make you listen to theirs back. Counseling is like a career in being paid to be in an unbalanced friendship. You may think you are incredibly close to your therapist, but in fact only one of you is getting your feelings out. Which leads me to another thought. If you are telling your friends about your problems and they are not telling you theirs back, and you aren't paying them, you may be treating your friends like therapists. If you were paying them, they may forgive you for it. Otherwise they may end up resenting you. I understand that sometimes friends just want an ear, but if that is what you want, you had better be sure that's what you're going to get before you unload. Otherwise you may be very disappointed when you don't get the response you expected. Life is all about met and unmet expectations, and they can't always be met on your schedule. What I am saying is that a good balanced friendship involves equal-opportunity bitching, albeit on an agreed-upon schedule (which I have found is key).

So onto my thoughts about why some may have an aversion to therapy. People may feel like they would rather talk to someone who knows them better and can give them more biased advice. They want someone to agree with them and not necessarily to tell them they might need to reconsider their view on the situation. I mean, who wants to be wrong?

I know that some people find no comfort in releasing their feelings to anyone, so this wouldn't apply to them. However, for those that do, and have found themselves in a vicious cycle of the same emotional prisons that somehow never to seem to resolve themselves, realize that you have two options. Resolve them yourself, or let them go somehow. Well, technically you have a third option, to do nothing and wonder why you continue to be in the same situation repeatedly. Unfortunately, that option involves being in some serious denial about your role in the problem. We tend to focus our upset on the others that are causing this frustration, and yet we don't seem to include ourselves in this equation. It can't all be them. If it were, those people wouldn't have any real friends, because they would all be in the same boat of frustration. The problem is a lack of synergy between two people for whatever reason. If you don't feel you can identify and solve that problem, go to therapy. Or else.

Negativity

Recently I have allowed myself to be consumed with the approval of people close to me, so much so that it got me feeling depressed. Today I woke up feeling empowered and have declared that the negativity of others will not defeat me. I will always encounter negativity, in even the most subtle of forms, but I will detect it, acknowledge that I can choose to accept or reject it, and remain feeling happy. That is my new mantra. What do you need to do to hold onto happiness?

a conversation I overheard 10 minutes ago

French guy: he's a douchebag yeah?

young girl: a douche? do you know what that is?

French guy: a jerk guy yeah?

young girl: noo, it's like some squeeze bottle thing, here let me draw you a picture...*giggle*

French guy: oh that is not part of my vocabulary

young girl: ohh i see you are talking about slang

the end.

on Mustang-driving douches

Two Mustang driving douches followed me on my way home from school so close their headlights were not visible in my rearview mirror. One must have been about a foot from my bumper going 60. If I had even tapped my brakes I would have been toast. Two things came to mind. First, what I learned last night at a seminar I went to, which I'll talk about in my next post when I get more time. The speaker said that instead of getting frustrated with people being unfriendly on the road, wish them well in your mind as they drive recklessly about that they make it home safely. This is way easier said than done, esp when they are putting your life in danger. But then I remembered what my husband said, that I should stay calm and just keep going the speed I'm going and if they don't like it, too bad. So I did that in both instances, and when both got the opportunity, they raced around me and sped off going about 80. Good for them, they know how to use the gas pedal. So my blood pressure remained intact and I figured if someone wanted to get me killed on the road at least I knew my last thoughts were of peace and goodwill to others.




Except for the part about them being douches.

on Earth Day

Earth Day is a way of encouraging people to take an active role in environmentally improving the world we live in, every day of the year.

But this is too much for some people. Already I see whiners complaining on the various social networking sites about how they are tired of hearing about being green. Really?

Ok, I may be a bit biased. Not only do I have an already active interest in green design, but I'm surrounded by it in my major. I'm working on green floor coverings for my materials class. I want to become certified for LEED. I enjoyed An Inconvenient Truth and The 11th Hour. I subscribe to multiple emailings about improving the Earth through design. I use CFLs. I recycle. I pay attention to the chemicals in the products I use. I am cognizant of the excessive packaging that products come in. I drive a small fuel-efficient car. The list could go on for awhile.

So, I don't need to be convinced of anything. I just seek to educate others of the fact that you are part of the problem if you choose to not be part of the solution. Global warming is not debatable. If you think it is, you haven't educated yourself enough on what's really going on. I encourage you to do so and take an active part in saving people generations down the line. The Earth isn't going anywhere, it's the people who won't survive.

Plant a tree. Here's why.

on elimination of ID 137

MADNESS!! A class I'm taking this semester, Architectural Models and Graphics, is being eliminated from our major. In this class I have learned to hand-render, build a model, and (sadly, three semesters in) draw a proper 2-point perspective. I have heard that hand-rendering and model-making are very valuable skills, along with hand-drafting. There are rumors that even hand-drafting is going to be eliminated at some point.

Essentially, computer programs have eliminated the need to learn these skills by hand. I think this is a shame. Thankfully, I came into the program at the right time so that I was able to learn all these skills before they were deemed unnecessary. Even more sad is the fact that those who entered the program recently will have to rely entirely on their knowledge of the programs to complete any assignment. Personally, I think in order to fully appreciate what the computer can do, you should learn how to do it all by hand first.

on personal conversations in status messages

My mind is boggled by the things I read in status messages on MySpace. I add buttloads of people because I play Mafia Wars. Currently, it's possible to desubscribe to friends' activities, but not their statuses. For this I am displeased, and would enjoy a change in that area. In the interim, I have exposed myself to some of the most depraved things front and center on my MySpace homepage. Now I am sharing them with you. It's the most logical next step.

I have witnessed breakups via status message. Even more entertaining is I have only ever seen one side of it. One sort of looked like this (I rewrote with proper spelling and grammar to spare you the insanity that is text speak):

Shameless Individual says: Oh yeah? You're gonna be like that, huh? Ok well then ...(idle threat)............

Shameless Individual says: I'm better off without you anyway...blah blah blah...

Shameless Individual says: Wait, no, please come back, talk to me!!

Shameless Individual says: Why won't you answer me?! Baby, we've been through so much, how could you just ignore me?

Shameless Individual says: Unblock me!! Talk to me, honey.

Yeah, ick. It's like an episode of Jerry Springer and I didn't even turn on UPN. Even more fun are the various moods that are set, which for most become just another way to type a line of text that is often completely unrelated to an actual human mood.

Another interesting use for status messages is the passive-aggressive statement. Ahh, what a better way to tell off no one in particular exactly what's on your mind than with passive-aggression. YOU TELL 'EM!! ...err, whoever. The most entertaining part of these things is when highly insecure or self-centered people automatically think the message is directed at them, and they take action. The next thing you know, another message, intended for this special someone, declares what a self-centered freak they are for thinking it was about them. What a stupid mistake!! Everyone knows passive-aggressive status messages aren't supposed to incur any kind of response! That would be too much!

The next time you feel like telling someone how you feel, maybe you should spare the unaware public and communicate privately with that person. Or go on Jerry Springer.

on being cool

I had a really bizarre conversation today with a guy in my tech class. I told him that my graded assignment wasn't in the stack to be handed back, even though I had turned it in. I proceeded to pull out my laptop to email the assignment to the teacher as she instructed. He said it was people like me that made him look bad. The only thing I know about this person other than the fact that he is from Lebanon and has fun hair is that he has spend the entire semester finding ways to get out of doing assignments while coming up with excuses to turn those assignments in weeks after they are due. Fabulous, for him. The assignments aren't even hard, which is the funny part. In fact, they're rather interesting.

I know he was kidding, but he's probably right. I like to be responsible, do things on time, and respect the professors. But that's neither here nor there. My point is, the fact that my first instinct after being told to email my assignment was TO EMAIL MY ASSIGNMENT made me not cool. He said something along the lines of, if you do what we do you could be cool.

HA!!!!!!!

I said, I'm not concerned with being cool.

I proceeded to have a conversation in my head about how silly the notion was that in the early to mid-twenties, anyone was concerned with being cool, especially if being cool meant being a slacker loser.

Seriously? To me, being cool means being yourself and not apologizing for it.

Insecurities of a designer

Designing has endless options. All of us strive to be creative and original in our designs, but sometimes we fall short. One of the most difficult things about being a design student is the constant feeling of floating about in a bubble of insecurity about how well I'm doing. Our professors are all active in the field, and yet not all of them offer up feedback in a concrete way. I glance around at what others are doing and often find that my work doesn't even compare to what they are doing. I'm told not to compare. How do I not do that? I'm obviously looking around because I want to see what kind of ideas others are coming up with. For some reason I'm not feeling good about my work. Feedback from people not in the field doesn't feel relevant. Unless you're spending equal or more hours creating something from nothing, your opinions of my work don't really mean much (although the positivity is much appreciated). Maybe I just need to find a muse, some inspiration for what I think it means to be great.

on being difficult

I rather enjoy challenging others. I like to cause people to question things. I feel like life is boring and mindless without being challenged to learn at every turn. Sure, sometimes I want to take a mental break, but that's usually just to recharge before I proceed with being difficult.

As a teenager, I had decided I was going to be a therapist, helping others with their pain while I tucked away my own. It made me feel useful. I figured I had authority to inform, much the way I do now. Now I serve to feel useful a different way. I play devil's advocate quite often. It ticks people off more often than not, and sometimes to the point where they stop talking to me for awhile. I don't mind, though. Being difficult isn't a popularity contest. It's just a way of offering alternative ways of thinking to those who would rather you agree with them. Eventually, they'll grow to appreciate that I'm not a mirroring drone who reflects back the decisions they've already made in their head. I choose to be the one who points out that there may be more valid perspectives than the ones being adopted.

I get it, sometimes you just want to bitch, and being told you're wrong to do so is only going to piss you off more. I'm not that insensitive...I don't think. What I try to do is get you to see your situation in a way that makes you happier about it than you were before. What is life, if not one big lesson? Not everyone needs to be reminded of that, but I seem to have encountered a handful that do.

Yes Man

My husband and I watched this movie yesterday, and as I'm sure it's intended, it got me thinking. How many missed opportunities for happiness pass us all by while we're busy being caught up in our own little worlds of sameness? I enjoy change, but I will be the first to admit I'd rather be the one making the change than having it forced upon me, which is sort of how the movie played out.

If you haven't seen the film, here's a basic rundown. Jim's character avoids doing things, on an extreme level. He's convinced to attend a cult-like seminar where he makes a covenant with the "leader" that he must say YES to every opportunity that presents itself. He takes it from one extreme to another and agrees to things he doesn't even want to do. All of these things lead to something new and positive. He realizes eventually, after some disappointing happenings, that he is not being forced to say yes to everything, and that he is allowed to be balanced in his decision-making.

There's so many lessons to take away from this (at least in my mind). First, it's obvious that life doesn't really happen this way. Things don't just slide into place in our lives by saying yes, or even making proactive decisions one way or another. Sometimes things go wrong even when we do what we think is best. The key is to learn how to handle what does happen in a way that is beneficial. Of course, this movie isn't about handling setbacks, it's about how not to be a hermit. However, I like to infer my own meanings to things. Another lesson to take from this movie is the fact that too often we are locked in a state of yes and forget that no is even an option.

If you're like me, you learned from an early age that obedience is integral to pleasing others. Also if you're like me, you thought that pleasing others was integral to being liked. Hence, obedience would make you a popular individual. So you agreed to be part of such-and-such committee, planner of what's-her-name's party, (insert responsibility you later resented here). People cheered and complimented you on your get-up-and-go attitude. You later realized you actually would rather be doing something other than what you signed up for. Ponder this for a moment. You could have said NO. Boo, you say! If I say no, Judy won't like me very much, Billy will be in such a bind, Darla has so many things weighing her down already, how could I say NO?! Easy! You don't want to do something, so don't!

The hardest part is getting over the fact that people may not like you the way they did when you said yes to everything. But look at it this way, if you grow a pair and learn some boundaries, people will respect your ability to choose. Or they'll run away like a crying child because they didn't get their way. The latter will eventually learn to stop expecting you to obey all the time. Suddenly you will find less requests coming your way. Even more, you will stop volunteering for things you didn't want to do in the first place! What a concept!

The freshest feeling will be when you say yes and mean it, when you're excited to do something not because someone will like you for it, but because it's what you want to do.

As an endnote, I speak from personal experience, so if you find this doesn't apply to you, you're one step ahead and may disregard the aforementioned accordingly. Have a beautiful day.

Writing

I've pondered blogging for awhile, so now it begins. I love to write, especially when I'm not being assigned to write. Hopefully what I have to offer is beneficial somehow. I know it will at least help me get out all this content that's been stewing in my brain. Happy reading!