A Good Manager

A good manager recognizes the strengths of his team and puts them to use for everyone's benefit. A poor manager sees those strengths as a threat to their own egos and would rather see them suppressed to avoid feelings of inferiority.

Putting People on a Pedestal

I believe the best thing you can do for another person is to view them as human, fallable, and imperfect. I also believe the worst thing you can do is put them on a pedestal, expecting perfection, or a continued appearance of what you perceive to be perfection or at minimum, something worth admiration. Everyone is struggling with something, and everyone is, in their own way, striving for better. It may be that we don't know what these things are, or we may have a glimpse of what they are. When facing our own struggling and striving, we know that we need only be kind to ourselves to get through them. Give that same grace to others on their journey, and realize they are every bit as human as you.

Here's where it gets tricky, though. What if someone you admired forces you to find out that they weren't as amazing as you'd envisioned? This happened to me with a woman I considered to be incredibly open-minded and spiritual; one day she showed me that I had been keeping her way up high in my mind, believing she was someone who doesn't share the same issues as others. She said several hateful things to me, and I was shocked to realize that a person I'd admired for many years was clearly incredibly wrought with insecurity about something to the point where she felt it necessary to publicly mock and ridicule me for something I was passionate about and proud of. From this incident, I realized that it probably was not the first time this had happened, and that instead of realizing all along she was not someone I should look up to, I allowed this vision of her as perfectly accepting of others and their passions to remain even as she proved otherwise. I subsequently removed her from my life, and it was a strong lesson to me to stop imagining people as something so spectacular that disappointment is inevitable. It may very well be that people disappoint me anyway, but when I come to realize that people are not like me, don't see the world the way I do, and don't always care about the things I care about, I get disappointed far less. Alternatively, I now recognize when someone isn't truly interested in my existence other than as entertainment during my difficult times, and thus they couldn't care less about my joy in better times. The rough part of my experience  was that I had put a person on a pedestal who had kept me around for entertainment. It was doubly painful to realize this.

I know it's possible and even pretty probable that others have viewed me in this same way. If this is true, then whomever has come to see I am merely human, and has their own disappointments about me, should know I'm doing my best with each day I'm given. I'm forging ahead admidst my personal trials, basking in my blessings along the way. I invite you to join me in my peaceful walk, not because all I encounter is peace, but because peace is all I choose to bring with me. It's what I tackle my life with, and not what it tackles me with, that makes all the difference.

If at times my standards for friendship seem lofty, which personally I think are far more lenient than average, I think that perception is caused by codependency, or if not, then I've clearly disappointed someone by being more human than they imagined me to be. It begs the question, what does it say about us that we NEED to put someone on a pedestal? I'm still asking myself this question and figuring it out for myself. A desire for a role model? Lack of suitable role models for parents? Lack of self-esteem? I know that the more I rely on myself and hone my coping abilities, the less I desire to put someone on a pedestal. I no longer require the idealization of others to cope when I recognize that everyone is hustling and that nothing they do should ever be taken personally. Even if it is personal, it's happening because of what's going on inside their own heart and mind, and it isn't our job to fix that.

One last thought: once you begin seeing everyone on the same level, you realize who you actually want as friends.

The hilarity that is my daughter

I've recently discovered through an accident where my daughter slipped on a wet floor a few days ago that she has remembered how I jumped to her aid because she looked like she hurt herself. Now, she will carefully go lie on the floor near where she slipped that day, and hoping I don't see her do it, she begins to wail. Twice now I've watched her do it, and the first time she wailed even though I could see her. Today, she lain there with a frown because she knew she hadn't tricked me. Oh, this girl is something. I love how her mind works.

I call it a win.

This morning we all slept in.  Not without trying, for sure. This almost never happens as our cat meows incessantly to cure his own boredom. When the little one woke, I asked my husband if we could all go to a nearby breakfast diner I often see only from the outside. We readied and off we went. The wait was easy, we were seated quickly, and I had prepared my bag with crayons and a book for the little one. She's in a booster now, and the surprise of that shows how long it's been since we've all eaten out together. Breakfast  was quickly ordered and more quickly hurried to our table. A manager approached to welcome us since we had told our waitress it was our first time--impressive to know establishments care these days. The little one ate some eggs, had a little water, dropped her fork, and said "All done!" That's a first. She was ready to go and we'd only had bites. I asked my husband to take her outside to run around while I finished my meal, and put the remaining food on the table in one box. As quickly as we'd come, we left. I found a stray plastic packaged spoon in the car and asked the husband if we could go to the park where the little one and I could play while he ate at the bench. With not one cry to be had, the little one took a turn playing  with me, and right now I see my family playing with sand toys as I relax in the shade on this beautiful  day.

Having a toddler means you have to be light on your feet, quick to change scenery, and appreciative for the brief moments that all is as calm as it can be. I've learned to recognize the little wins in my day, and I'm more grateful as a result.

I hope all of you have a grateful day with many small wins.

Well this is different!

Our cat Tim likes to tell us when it's time to get up so Lily doesn't get her full night of rest like she should sometimes.  Today her daddy is taking a nature trail hike so it's girls' day here at home.  After playing fervently in her kitchen, which I can only assume from the clatter and exclamations (where did she learn THAT from???), she rubbed her eyes and I knew it was time for a nap.  It took her about 2 minutes to fall asleep, and I set her right in her crib.  Not only didn't she object, she smiled at me and fell back to sleep (am I in heaven?).  I immediately started back on my chores, doing things that typically take a much longer time with a toddler at my heels.  I'm taking a break because admittedly I am not used to this level of get up and go.  I'm more of a sit down and chill kinda gal.  Well I was forced to since Lily wanted to be held and rocked all the time.  Now she is branching out and mommy gets to be productive!  It's a good day, and I haven't even made lunch yet.  I think I see Tim snoozing.  What's say we give him a wake up call for funzies?

It's been awhile

Well, well, well, looky what we have here.  I forgot I even had this blog.  So much has changed in the last 3 years.  I last wrote about my cancer treatment, and boy am I doing much better!  So much so that I am no longer infertile as I was before it all, and I even had myself a little girl who just turned 1!  Even though I slept a lot last night, the only thought in my mind at the moment is "when is my next nap?"  Okay, I also want a massage because my shoulders are tight as all get out.  It's so beautiful today, so I'm going to take my daughter for a walk around the apartment complex and show her all the blossoms that are already coming in.  Happy Friday!

I look forward...

I look forward to when my body adjusts to the Synthroid so that I can effectively burn calories and have the energy to dispel through exercise again.  I had to go three weeks in an energy-deprived body to prepare for my RAI treatment, and now it will take a few weeks for my body to adjust to getting out of its hypo state.  I'm not too worried about weight gain.  I'm just waiting for the time where I can be running the treadmill again and back to my lifestyle the way it was before the big C.  Next Wednesday I hope to receive a clean bill of health.  You know I will be posting about it when I do. :)  Excited to get there.  For now, my body is healing and it is not in a state to deprive it.  I am doing light exercise on my recumbent bike which the hubby pulled upstairs to put in my isolation room.  I do not have much energy to go around though, so I have to be cautious about overworking myself.  I cleaned a bit yesterday after sleeping all night and day because it was after the third day of my isolation, and I needed to remove trash, laundry, bedding, and mop and wipe down surfaces and clean the shower and toilet to remove my radioactive residue while it was at its highest.  Now I have four more days and then I will need to do it again.  I was beat after one hour.  The hubby cannot touch these items though, so it had to be done.  I miss my kitties.  They are confused as all get out why mommy isn't letting them cuddle with her like usual.  I know, babies.  I know.  I miss you, too.  Having them near me helps me heal.  Right now it's not safe because their mommy is still sick.  They don't understand.  They sleep against the door--have been for four days.  Heartbreaking and precious.

My senior project is coming along nicely.  My time in isolation has been giving me uninterrupted time to work on it.  No worry about giving attention to my husband or the kitties.  I sleep, play on the computer, read, eat, and work on my project.  I've been webcamming with my mom, which is nice.  I've been watching the rain out of my big pretty window, and that is my favorite.  It's been raining a lot and will continue for days.  I'm living hour by hour, day by day, and that is best for right now.  I have some light projects to do as I am part of the graphics committee for our senior show in early May, and that has given me a boost.  Before I was put on fundraising, and that was not helpful for either party as I don't have the desire nor the ability to do such an activity from where I am.  I took it upon myself to switch to where I felt my talents could be utilized, and in regaining that sense of control, I feel more upbeat and positive about my contribution to the graduating class and to myself in general.

Life is good.