Putting People on a Pedestal

I believe the best thing you can do for another person is to view them as human, fallable, and imperfect. I also believe the worst thing you can do is put them on a pedestal, expecting perfection, or a continued appearance of what you perceive to be perfection or at minimum, something worth admiration. Everyone is struggling with something, and everyone is, in their own way, striving for better. It may be that we don't know what these things are, or we may have a glimpse of what they are. When facing our own struggling and striving, we know that we need only be kind to ourselves to get through them. Give that same grace to others on their journey, and realize they are every bit as human as you.

Here's where it gets tricky, though. What if someone you admired forces you to find out that they weren't as amazing as you'd envisioned? This happened to me with a woman I considered to be incredibly open-minded and spiritual; one day she showed me that I had been keeping her way up high in my mind, believing she was someone who doesn't share the same issues as others. She said several hateful things to me, and I was shocked to realize that a person I'd admired for many years was clearly incredibly wrought with insecurity about something to the point where she felt it necessary to publicly mock and ridicule me for something I was passionate about and proud of. From this incident, I realized that it probably was not the first time this had happened, and that instead of realizing all along she was not someone I should look up to, I allowed this vision of her as perfectly accepting of others and their passions to remain even as she proved otherwise. I subsequently removed her from my life, and it was a strong lesson to me to stop imagining people as something so spectacular that disappointment is inevitable. It may very well be that people disappoint me anyway, but when I come to realize that people are not like me, don't see the world the way I do, and don't always care about the things I care about, I get disappointed far less. Alternatively, I now recognize when someone isn't truly interested in my existence other than as entertainment during my difficult times, and thus they couldn't care less about my joy in better times. The rough part of my experience  was that I had put a person on a pedestal who had kept me around for entertainment. It was doubly painful to realize this.

I know it's possible and even pretty probable that others have viewed me in this same way. If this is true, then whomever has come to see I am merely human, and has their own disappointments about me, should know I'm doing my best with each day I'm given. I'm forging ahead admidst my personal trials, basking in my blessings along the way. I invite you to join me in my peaceful walk, not because all I encounter is peace, but because peace is all I choose to bring with me. It's what I tackle my life with, and not what it tackles me with, that makes all the difference.

If at times my standards for friendship seem lofty, which personally I think are far more lenient than average, I think that perception is caused by codependency, or if not, then I've clearly disappointed someone by being more human than they imagined me to be. It begs the question, what does it say about us that we NEED to put someone on a pedestal? I'm still asking myself this question and figuring it out for myself. A desire for a role model? Lack of suitable role models for parents? Lack of self-esteem? I know that the more I rely on myself and hone my coping abilities, the less I desire to put someone on a pedestal. I no longer require the idealization of others to cope when I recognize that everyone is hustling and that nothing they do should ever be taken personally. Even if it is personal, it's happening because of what's going on inside their own heart and mind, and it isn't our job to fix that.

One last thought: once you begin seeing everyone on the same level, you realize who you actually want as friends.