I've been emotionally eating all weekend. I don't know how to deal with my new pain. Just because it's the most curable form of cancer doesn't mean it's not scary to have. It's pretty easy for others to toss logic at feelings and expect it to cancel them out. Unfortunately that doesn't work. It's not as helpful as you might think. I'm capable of being positive and seeing the bright side, but I'm not a robot, and I do need to feel my real feelings.
The Red Cross called and asked for permission to go ahead with delivering the message even though they don't know when the surgery will be yet. I said yes, but there's a chance they won't send him home without it. I'm also lonely. Everyone says I'm strong. Okay, swell. But how strong am I if I'm eating my feelings? I'm just unhappy, I'm low on energy, and I don't know how I can handle if he doesn't come home. It's one thing to distract myself and be busy all the time, but eventually the busyness settles and my feelings are there. I've talked to family and friends, but when the phone calls are over, the feelings come back. Nothing can give me what my husband can. I really need him right now. I really don't want advice. I just want my husband to hold me.
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